Why I Took A Break And You Should Too…

It was December 2024. I had just got the numbers in that our church had risen from having 96 people on average attending our weekly worship service in 2023 to having 207 people on average attending our weekly worship service. We were going through an “Excuseless” fast, using the previously titled book written by Pastor Debleaire Snell. We were planning for an end of the year communion and an agape feast to prepare to bring in the new year. The school that is situated next door to our church was excited and motivated to start collaborating with us to create ways in which we could serve our shared community. From the outside looking in, everything professionally seemed to be going great. But deep down inside, I could no longer fight the cocktail of feelings of exhaustion, disappointment, anger, fear, and insignificance that constantly haunted my spirit. I was tired. I was irritable. I had bad stress headaches. I was unmotivated. And alas, I simply needed a break.

The Problem Pastors Face

My story is not foreign to the plight that many pastors and spiritual leaders face. The more I have conversations with my colleagues, the more I see that the perpetual exhaustion, fatigue, depression, anxiety, and fear that many pastors face is a rising problem. A Barna study in late 2020 revealed 3 in 5 pastors have struggled with depression during their ministry. In 2022, 65% of pastors reported feelings of loneliness and isolation. And 56% of pastors who considered quitting full-time ministry cited “the immense stress of the job” as their reason, while 43% percent of those pastors cited loneliness and isolation.

The problem occurs when we ignore this data and continue to expect pastors to continue to operate in our duties at unhealthy levels. As a matter of fact, many pastors are either leaving pastoral ministry or opting out of entering the field to begin with. The Association of Theological schools reported a 4% decrease in Masters of Divinity enrollment from 2021 to 2022, totaling a 9% decline since 2018. Barna Group reported in 2022 that 42% percent of pastors have considered quitting full time ministry in the past year. Pastors are silently suffering and on the verge of giving up, but have we taken time to seriously consider the cause of this issue? Do we truly care about the wellbeing of those who tirelessly serve our congregations each and every week? Are we committed to seeing how we can help save those selfless servants who dedicate their lives to the saving of souls for God’s Kingdom?

Unrealistic Expectations of Pastoral Duties

One of the main issues that many pastors face is trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. Congregants mean well, but the honest truth is that pastors must understand that their parishioners will most likely place their needs above your well being. I remember when my younger cousin shockingly died, I had members verbally offer condolences for the grief I was experiencing. Then I got one call that opened my eyes that if I didn’t care for myself and take time to grieve, no one else would create that space for me. One of my members that I really like called me and formally told me that they were sorry to hear about my loss. But in the same breath, without skipping a beat, they went on to talk about their issue and what they were requesting of me to do. In that moment I was heartbroken, because I thought that the person was really trying to check up on me, but their empathetic statement was only apart of their formal introduction to the call, while their real reason for calling was for me to help them solve their need.

This is one of the many stories I have of how members will usually choose their desires over your needs. Pastors are human and often go through some of the most turbulent circumstances because the devil knows how vital our assignment is and will do everything in his power to stop God’s work. But the issue is that many of our members want us to be supermen and superwomen, standing in the place of God to provide solutions to their problems, provision for their needs, encouragement for their sorrows, counseling for their family fissures, and the list goes on. Most pastors I know in my denomination have never seen an actual job description. This is problematic because it leaves ambiguity around what we our actual responsibilities are. Without clearly defined roles, our congregants will start to create their own job descriptions for us and expect us to be everything to everyone so that by all means we can save all. This leaves many pastors mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted trying to meet all these unrealistic expecatations because they do not want to disappoint their members.

Unrealistically Low Pay

As we can see by the current state of our economy and the ever increasing inflation rates and cost of living, it is difficult for many families in America to financially stay above water. I heard a statistic the other day that said that 70% of Americans have less than $500 in savings, while many households are living paycheck to paycheck and credit card balances are on the rise. Many pastors are salaried employees, which exempts them from being able to receive any form of overtime pay. Couple this with the previous point of pastors wearing so many hats, such as CEO of the church, financial analysts, building general contractor, counselor, therapist, financial advisor, preacher, teacher, chaplain, janitor, deacon, men’s ministry leader, women’s ministry leader, children’s ministry leader, youth leader, church photographer, handyman/handywoman, hospitality leaders, greeters, you name it. Pastors during their ministry are often utilized in many different roles. And without job descriptions, pastors tend to do all the jobs because they do not realize what their main job is. Even though the early apostles and the early church were clear on their roles, as we see in Acts 6:2-4 where they said “It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables…But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word” (ESV).

So with high expectations, lack of job descriptions, and pastors wearing many hats, they are literally working multiple jobs under the umbrella of pastoral ministry. But their monetary compensation drastically pales in comparison to all of the work that they do. Now I am specifically talking about my Adventist Pastors, because many of us have witnessed the exorbitant wealth of some of the more popular pastors of other denominations. But the disappointing thing about the lack of financial compensation is that this issue is not unknown to leadership. As a matter of fact, I had an undergrad professor counsel us to marry someone who makes a lot of money so that you won’t have to struggle. This is extremely problematic because we know that money issues is one of the leading causes of divorce in families. In addition, pastors are usually not encouraged to have any other form of employment and may have their outside of the conference opportunities limited by their workers’ policy. What this means is that pastors do not have many other clear ways of making supplemental income to provide for their families. Financial stress adds drastically to the stress of an already stressful job of being in pastoral leadership, but also causes a strain on the families behind the scenes.

Unrealistic Expectations of Pastors and Their Families

I have met way too many pastors who have been divorced or whose children want nothing to do with the church anymore. I would argue that as much as we talk about and promote healthy families, we do not practice caring about the health of the pastor’s family. As previously stated, pastors work hard and are not compensated fairly for all of the hours and efforts that they put into the people that they serve. And when your spouse has to pick up the financial lack, that most likely means that they too will be working long hours at their job. So who is supposed to have the energy or time to take care of the children at home if both parents are overworked and stressed out? Not only that, but members have a tendency to place unrealistic expectations not only on the pastor, but also on his family.

Congregants will have a romanticized and fairy tale view of how the pastor’s spouse and children should show up and serve in the chruch. They are to be well-behaved, well-mannered, never get into trouble, be involved in multiple ministries, be extroverted people persons, be role models for all the other spouses and children in the congregation, etc. even though they were never employed by the same conference that employed the pastor. And many of these same families are crushed under the weight of having to appear to be perfect for God’s people. We are not your role models, God is. We are not your rubric, God is. We are not your goals, aspirations, or saviors, God is. And to be blunt, it is toxic of anyone to expect otherwise.

I Took A Break And You Should Too

Personally, I’m glad that I am someone that doesn’t put much stock into what others think of me, but I know that is not the case for a lot of my colleagues. People who are in the helping profession are often people pleasers or narcissists, which many pastors are. Either way, both care deeply about how others view them. And even though I do not care as much as I used to about how the church members perceive me, the weight of these unrealistic expectations still eventually weighed me down to the point where I needed to take a break. And so I did. And I am more than glad that I did. I feel refreshed, a clarity of mind, and a motivation to get back to the calling that God has placed me in. But if I did not take a break, I probably would have ran myself into the ground of sickness, depression, and like some of my colleagues, even death. Sabbaticals, FMLA, and other forms of leave should not be taboo.

Pastors, you are human. You need rest. What’s ironic for Adventist Pastors is that we often talk about rest and Sabbath, but we rarely take it for ourselves. We teach about something we don’t partake in. It’s very hypercritical if you think about it. Release the worries about how your congregation will function without you. It’s okay. It’s God’s church, not yours. Relinquish your desire to stand in the place of God to provide for all of your members’ needs. It may be time for you to step out of the way and take a break, so that the people you serve can cast down their idols of the unrealistic expectations that they have placed on you and start looking to and serving the true God, Jesus Christ. Pastors, taking a break was the best thing that ever happened to me, and for many of you out there, I know it will be the best thing that will ever happen to you too.