Why I Left The Church…Twice. (PART 2)

I remember that one of my cousins was about to get married in Alabama where I was living at the time, so my mother made plans to visit me and attend his wedding ceremony. And if you know anything about old school, religious Nigerian moms, I don’t care how many church services you have missed, I don’t care what lifestyle you think you are living, I don’t care how grown you think you are, when “Mommy” comes into town, you’re going to church! And so that weekend, I found myself unwillingly in somebody’s church service on Saturday morning.

As I was reluctantly sitting in that service, thinking about how much I would rather be at the bar somewhere or chilling at home hanging with my friends, my ears started to become attuned to the words that the preacher was proclaiming. As the sermon matriculated, my heart started to melt to the message that God was trying to implant into my heart. If you ask me today what the sermon was about, I could not tell you, but all I know is that God was calling me out of darkness into His marvelous light. It was a supernatural, out of body experience, as cold as my heart had been to church and the things of God, my heart started to beat profusely, feeling like it was about to jump out of my chest. Tears started to flow from the ducts in my eyes and ran uncontrollably down my face. And when the appeal came, my legs moved before my mind could even comprehend what was going on. This was it. I was finally going to get back into the fold. I was finally going to live right. I was finally going to rededicate my life to Christ!

So after the appeal, they took us to the back room and collected our information. I was so broken and ready to be rebuilt by the Great Carpenter that I checked off everything on that list: prayer, bible studies, baptism, rebaptism, etc. I didn’t care what it was, I needed it all. I felt like an overwhelming load had been lifted off of my shoulders. My mom’s visit had been a blessing in disguise. God was showing me that He really did love me and that no matter how much I had strayed away, He would always welcome me back with open arms. I was so elated! I felt so free! I couldn’t wait to start my new life with Him and his people!

And so I eagerly awaited a call back from the church. I waited. I waited some more. And I waited even more. Unfortunately, that call back never reached me. To this day, I don’t believe that it was anything malicious, especially knowing now who was in charge of the ministry at the time. Whether I missed the call, whether my card got lost, or whether it was just an honest oversight, it didn’t matter at the time. The only thing I knew was that after being broken, I was now left to pick up the pieces alone. This was my last straw. I had made myself vulnerable to God and His church like a fool. I already knew how these people were. Why did I allow myself to be harmed by them again? How could I be so stupid in really believing that these people who I have witnessed profess God’s love but not reflect God’s love would ever love me or handle me with care? Enough was enough. This was the last time I would let them make a fool out of me! And it was on that day that I declared I would never, ever go back to Adventism. An insatiable hatred towards anything related to Christianity and the SDA denomination had been birthed inside of me, and my life would begin to take one of its darkest turns.

And I think this is something that we must consider as we are trying to minister to people who may feel averse to church and the things of God. What I’ve learned through my own personal experiences and talking to others is that church hurt is real. Many people that you are trying to win over with Bible knowledge are suffering from traumatic experiences that have come within the walls of churches that you and I attend. When there is a strong resistance to spiritual things, it would be beneficial for us to take time to listen to people’s stories. While they are venting or speaking about their experiences, let them get it out without interrupting or correcting their story. Some people have encountered all manners of ungodly behaviors within our congregations and just need someone to listen to their wounded words with empathy and without judgment. Listening to stories more often will help us to become more aware of harmful practices that are happening in our churches and help us to be more proactive in ensuring that we are taking extreme care of every person that walks into our congregations.

Every sinful behavior I was previously doing intensified. I had been wounded like never before. I was angry at God and angry at his church. I really did not care about anything concerning God at this point of my life. I cannot even share with you the visceral reactions and thoughts that would come into my mind anytime someone tried to talk to me about Christianity, especially Adventism. I was spiraling into a whirlwind of sins to numb the immensity of the pain I was trying to suppress deep within. I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. So I turned to everything and everyone else but God…